I have a head injury too!

What a wonderful thing public transportation is. You meet the finest people.

Earlier today, Andrea and I were taking the bus on an adventure into the downtown Orem area. It seemed to be a relatively normal trip for the first fifty seconds or so. Then the following conversation occurred. I have transcripted it to the best of my ability and memory. The characters names have been invented, mostly because I never really had the thought to ask what they were. They are as follows:

Seizures McGee: A rather stout and short woman, aged approximately 25 years. Dark hair, head phones, and an indescribably public transportation-appropriate outfit.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: Tan, 80's hair with the classic perm styling, aged approximately 50. As her name suggests, she always had a photo-album with her which documented and proved her being in a very traumatic and near-fatal car accident.

The Overblooded Mistress: This woman was sitting the entire time, but it was obvious she wasn't a small person. I estimate her height at around 6 feet, blondish brown hair cut short and none too stylishly. Sort of long face. Easily the most normal of our newly acquired acquaintances.

So there we are. We get on the bus and it starts out normally enough. I am led to the "disabled persons area" and the bus driver straps the chair to the floor, thus making it secure in case of accident. As the bus starts pulling away, I am swept up in one of the most humorous and downright awkward conversations of my life.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: What happened to you?

Me: I was born.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: What?

Me: I was born this way.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: Oh. Well you sure are good at maneuvering that thing!

At this point, most people generally expect me to laugh or say something clever or in some way make them feel like they're the first person to ever have this conversation with me. I responded the way I always do.

Me: Well I have lots of experience.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: Ho ho! I bet you do! I bet you sure do. You people are so amazing! You can do all kinds of things. Why I have a bad ankle and a bad back and my left eye can't see anything and I lost my memory and I complain all the time. And I have a head injury. But you people, you don't let anything get in your way.

This statement, of course, has grabbed the attention of my soon to be friends, Seizures Mcgee and The Overblooded Mistress. Everyone loves to talk about what's wrong with their bodies on buses. It's just what you do.

Seizures Mcgee: I work at Teleperformance and there's a girl that works there that has no arms. Like, they're just stubs at the elbow. And you know what she does? She uses the phone and types on the mouse (yes, my friends, that is a direct quote) and she will pick up papers with her stubs and hand them to you!

At this point, both participants look at me for my approval or to see whether I am impressed. I of course am not. I believe that "disabled" people develop ways to do things because that's part of what makes humans so amazing. We ADAPT. But that's another post.

Seizures Mcgee: You know, my mother has lots of things wrong with her. She has degenerative disc disorder. Her discs in her spine just pop sometimes. And she can't see at all and she has......

At this point I sort of tune out. It's become a sob story contest, and some competitors are obviously making up diseases to gain an unfair advantage. The other woman pipes up.

Overblooded Mistress: I have too much blood in my system. So if I stand up too fast, I don't get light headed. My head just feels really heavy.

Seizures Mcgee: Ooooh! Do you have to take medication for that?

Overblooded Mistress: Of course. Pretty much everybody takes medication for something. I've never met someone who wasn't taking some kind of pill.

Madame Traumatic Photo-album: I take medication! I have a head injury.

Seizures Mcgee: I have a head injury too! Like, I have seizures and every time I have a seizure I get brain damage. The longer the seizure lasts the more brain damage I get.

Andrea and I share a look. I love when we both hear someone say something retarded and think the same thing. It's really just the best ever.

The conversation went very much like this as we continued to travel toward our destination. Just as suddenly as it started, though, it ended abruptly. I'm not really sure if they all got off at the same time or if my brain had just overloaded from excessive stimulation. I didn't write about all of what happened, as I don't really have room, but I did want to give a general idea of what bus life is like. Grand.