Saturday, March 15, 2008

Social Malfunctioniasis

Yesterday, a certain acquaintance of mine and I were having a discussion. He gets offended extremely easily by ANY sort of joking or sarcasm directed his way, and of course being the antagonist I am, this only encourages such endeavors from my end.

As our conversation went on I had one of the most brilliant ideas ever form. The conversation with the fellow, whom I will refer to as "Jim", went as follows:

Me: Dude, why do you get so offended about everything?
Jim: Don't even get me started. My childhood is a long tale.
Me: Childhood, huh? That explains a lot. You know, you may have 'Social Malfunctioniasis'.
Jim: That's not real! You can't just add 'iasis' on the end of 'malfunction' and expect me to believe it's a real disease.
Me: Look it up, man. It's real.

Now in a time of great need, you have to rely on your best and most capable friends. I knew exactly who to go to.

Me: Trapper, can you create a wikipedia article about a disease I made up?
Trapper: Sure, what's it called?
Me: Social Malfunctioniasis.
Trapper: Give me a few minutes.

As Jim proceeded to scour the internet for his fictitious disease, I bought time by arguing. In about 15 minutes trapper sent me the link. I would have just put it up here, but the article was only up 60 seconds before they took it down. Thankfully, it was enough time for me to give it to Jim; thus causing him to forever question his own mental health. I have copy/pasted the material below.

Social Malfunctionaiasis

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Social Malfunctionaiasis
Classification & external resources
ICD-10 G47.4
ICD-9 347
OMIM 161400
DiseasesDB 8843
eMedicine neuro/522
MeSH D009290

Social Malfunctionaiasis is a neurological condition most characterized by paranoid behavior, angry mood swings, wiggling eyes, and an aversion to social interactions. A victim of social malfunctionaiasis will most likely experience disturbed nocturnal emissions. Sufferers of Social Malfunctionaiasis are commonly referred to as "somals" as the full term is considered too long to pronounce on a regular basis.



[edit] Symptoms

The main characteristic of social malfunctioniasis is erratic social behavior such as paranoia, mood swings, and the fleeting feeling of loneliness. A less noticeable effect is that of the eyes wiggling in a rapid fashion, typically caused by the fear of social interactions. When a stride of social malfunctionaiasis is encountered, the sufferer immediately wishes to flee his current environment and relocate to a more safe haven such as his bed or on the toilet.

[edit] Causes

While the cause of social malfunctioniasis has not yet been determined, scientists have classified it as a neurological defense mechanism stemming from possible bullying on the playground and having to wait for the popular kids to get off the swing set.

In 2004 researchers in Australia induced social malfunctioniasis-like symptoms in mice by injecting them with antibodies from social malfunctioniasis humans. The research has been published in the Lancet providing strong evidence suggesting that some cases of social malfunctionaiasis might be caused by autoimmune disease.[1]

Despite the experimental evidence in human social malfunctioniasis that there may be an inherited basis for at least some forms of social malfunctioniasis, the mode of inheritance remains brown.

[edit] Epidemiology

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Please help improve this article by adding reliable references. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (March 2007)

It is estimated that as many as 3 million people worldwide are affected by social malfunctioniasis. In the United States, it is estimated that this condition afflicts as many as 200,000 Americans[citation needed], but fewer than 50,000 are diagnosed. It is as widespread as Parkinson's disease or multiple sclerosis and more prevalent than cystic fibrosis, but it is less well known. Social malfunctioniasis is often mistaken for depression, gigantowussion, or the side effects of medications. It can also be mistaken for poor sleeping habits, recreational animal abuse, masturbation, or mastication.

Social malfunctioniasis can occur in both men and women at any age, although its symptoms are usually first noticed in teenagers or young adults. There is strong evidence that social malfunctioniasis may run in families; 8 to 12 percent of people with social malfunctionaiasis have a close relative with this neurologic disorder.

Social malfunctioniasis has its typical onset in young adulthood. There is an average 15-year delay between onset and correct diagnosis which may contribute substantially to the disabling features of the disorder. Cognitive, educational, occupational, and psychosocial problems associated with the excessive daytime pushiness of social malfunctioniasis have been documented.

[edit] Diagnosis

Diagnosis is relatively easy when all the symptoms of social malfunctioniasis are present. But if the pushy attacks are isolated and cataplexy is mild or absent, diagnosis is more difficult. It is also possible for cataplexy to occur in isolation.

[edit] Treatment

There is no known treatment for social malfunctioniasis.

[edit] Coping with social malfunctioniasis

Learning as much about social malfunctioniasis as possible and finding a support system can help patients and families deal with the practical and emotional effects of the disorder, possible occupational limitations, and situations that might cause injury.

Support groups exist to help persons with social malfunctioniasis and their consistent and repeated failures.

[edit] History

Social Malfunctioniasis was first discovered in 1914 in the amber waves of grain of Kentucky by Chaos Dr. Gregory Bloods.


Now this may seem cruel, but if any of you had this idea and the means to see it through, you would have done it too. Don't even try to pretend you wouldn't.