Monday, May 5, 2008

My Eternal Nemesis

For many, the long search for a worthy opponent is a greatly rewarding thing. Most super heroes learn a great deal about themselves when confronting their most feared adversary. As fate would have it, my arch-nemesis is a weatherman. Grant Weyman.

As the name crosses my lips, a bitter taste fills my tongue. Many angry, unheard (but certainly NOT unspoken) rants jump to mind. There were days when I didn't have my hopes dashed every morning at approximately 7:30 am. There were times when all the world was at peace because we knew what the weather would be like the next day. Partly cloudy, 72 degrees Fahrenheit.

My age old foe has brought with him a new weather forecasting style, however. The tyranny is as follows:

"Going to be a bit chilly the next few days, so keep those warm winter coats out! (as an aside, I simply refuse to quote the improper grammar. It's a miracle how low the standards for being "Literate" are these days.) Warmer, more seasonal temps by the weekend."

A few days pass.

It is now the weekend. 7:30 am rolls around and I'm on the computer, hoping against hope Grant Weyman hasn't betrayed the trust I so unwillingly give him. The forecast:

"Going to be a bit chilly the next few days, so keep those warm winter coats out! Warmer, more seasonal temps by the mid-week."

And my heart falls.

It isn't so bad now, after almost a year of unending, blatant disregard for the science known as 'meteorology'. My mind has learned to dull the pain by ritualistically adopting the same small hope each day knowing it will be blasted to pieces. Life is hard under The Weyman. All us peasant folk knows it too.

I fully realize this has gone beyond sane and normal levels of dislike. But if I were to have any wish granted me, it would be a sabre duel with the man on a bridge. I could then die happy, having truly lived.

In the words of immortal William Wallace "Every man dies. Not every man really lives."

Carpe diem.


Andrea said...

I love you. And now you aren't comment-less on what truly was a wonderful post.

Trapper said...


Mel said...

I love you too. Not as much as Andrea, but that really was a great rant.